How to Use a Dildo for the First Time | Beginner’s Guide

Curious about using a dildo for the first time? Learn how to choose the right size, prepare, use lubricant, stay comfortable and clean your toy safely. 

Using a dildo for the first time can feel exciting, slightly intimidating or both.

You may be wondering what size to choose, how much lubricant to use or whether there is a “right” way to use one. The good news is that there is no single method that works for everyone.

The best approach is to go slowly, listen to your body and focus on what feels comfortable rather than trying to rush toward a particular result.

This beginner-friendly guide covers everything you need to know before using a dildo for the first time.

What Is a Dildo?

A dildo is a non-vibrating intimate toy designed for external or internal stimulation.

Unlike a vibrator, it does not usually contain a motor. This gives you complete control over the speed, pressure, depth and movement.

Dildos come in many different:

• Sizes
• Shapes
• Textures
• Colours
• Materials
• Levels of firmness

Some have a realistic shape, while others have a smoother and more minimal design. There are also curved options designed to provide more targeted stimulation.

Choosing Your First Dildo

Your first dildo does not need to be large or complicated.

For most beginners, a smaller or medium-sized toy with a smooth surface and a slightly flexible feel is usually easier to manage.

Size

Start with something that feels approachable rather than choosing the largest option available.

A slimmer toy can make it easier to become comfortable with insertion and learn what type of movement feels good.

Remember that the full length does not need to be inserted. You are always in control of the depth.

Shape

A straight or gently curved dildo is often a good choice for beginners.

Curved designs may provide more targeted internal stimulation, while straighter options can feel more predictable and easier to control.

Material

Look for a toy made from a non-porous, body-safe material such as quality silicone.

Non-porous materials are generally easier to clean and do not absorb moisture in the same way that some softer, porous materials can.

Always check the product description and care instructions before purchasing.

Before You Begin

A little preparation can make the experience much more comfortable.

Clean the Toy

Wash your dildo before its first use, even if it has arrived in sealed packaging.

Follow the manufacturer’s care instructions. Many silicone toys can be cleaned using warm water and mild, unscented soap, but this can vary depending on the product.

Make sure it is rinsed thoroughly and completely dry before use.

Create a Comfortable Environment

Choose somewhere private where you feel relaxed and are unlikely to be interrupted.

There is no need to create a dramatic romantic setup unless that helps you relax. Comfortable bedding, a towel and enough time to avoid feeling rushed may be all you need.

Wash Your Hands

Clean hands help reduce the chance of introducing bacteria during use.

Keep your fingernails smooth and trimmed, particularly if you plan to use your fingers as part of the experience.

Use Plenty of Lubricant

Lubricant is one of the most important parts of using a dildo comfortably.

Apply a small amount to yourself and along the part of the toy that will be used. You can always add more as needed.

For silicone dildos, water-based lubricant is generally the safest and most versatile option unless the manufacturer says otherwise.

Some silicone-based lubricants may affect the surface of certain silicone toys, so always check the product instructions before combining them.

Start with External Stimulation

You do not need to begin with insertion.

Start by exploring externally and allowing your body time to become relaxed and aroused. This can make insertion more comfortable and help you understand how your body is responding.

You can use the dildo externally around sensitive areas before deciding whether you want to continue.

There is no need to move to penetration if you are not ready.

How to Insert a Dildo Comfortably

When you feel relaxed and ready, position the tip of the dildo at the entrance of the vagina and apply gentle, gradual pressure.

Avoid forcing it.

Allow your body to adjust to the shape and size. You may find it comfortable to insert only a small amount at first, pause and then continue slowly.

Take steady breaths and keep the muscles around your pelvis relaxed.

If you notice resistance, discomfort or tension, stop and add more lubricant. You can also return to external stimulation and try again later.

Pain is not something you should push through.

Experiment with Movement

Once the dildo feels comfortable, experiment with small and controlled movements.

You could try:

• Slow in-and-out movements
• Shallow movements near the entrance
• Gentle circular movements
• Holding it still while using your other hand externally
• Adjusting the angle rather than increasing the depth
• Rocking the toy slowly instead of thrusting

More movement does not automatically mean more pleasure.

Some people prefer shallow stimulation, while others enjoy deeper pressure. The goal is to discover what feels good for your body.

Try Different Positions

The easiest position is usually the one that allows you to stay relaxed and maintain control.

Lying on Your Back

Lie comfortably with your knees bent. This position gives you a clear view of the toy and makes it easier to control the depth and angle.

Lying on Your Side

Side-lying can feel relaxed and place less strain on your arms or lower back.

Sitting or Kneeling

Some people prefer sitting upright or kneeling over a suction-cup dildo. Begin carefully and make sure the base is firmly attached to a clean, smooth surface.

When using a mounted toy, lower yourself slowly rather than placing your full body weight onto it immediately.

Using a Dildo with a Partner

A dildo can also be introduced during partnered intimacy.

Communication is essential.

Discuss:

• What you are comfortable trying
• Who will control the toy
• Preferred speed and depth
• Words or signals for slowing down
• When to stop

The person receiving stimulation should remain in control of their comfort.

Start slowly and check in regularly. Avoid sudden or forceful movements, especially when introducing a new toy.

Can You Use a Dildo Anally?

Some dildos are suitable for anal use, but only if they have a wide, flared base or another feature designed to prevent the entire toy from slipping inside.

Never use a toy anally if it does not have a secure flared base.

The rectum does not produce natural lubrication, so generous lubricant is essential. Anal use should be slow, gentle and carefully controlled.

Do not move a toy from anal use to vaginal use without thoroughly cleaning it first and changing any condom covering the toy. This helps reduce the transfer of bacteria.

Common Beginner Mistakes

Starting with a Toy That Feels Too Large

A larger dildo may look appealing, but it can make the first experience more difficult.

Starting smaller allows you to build comfort and confidence.

Not Using Enough Lubricant

Too little lubricant can cause friction and discomfort.

Add more whenever the toy stops gliding comfortably.

Moving Too Quickly

Your body may need time to relax and adjust.

Slow, shallow movements are often more comfortable than fast or deep movement.

Focusing Too Much on Insertion

A dildo can be used externally as well as internally.

You do not have to insert it deeply—or at all—for the experience to be enjoyable.

Ignoring Discomfort

Mild pressure or a stretching sensation may occur, but sharp, burning or persistent pain is a sign to stop.

How to Clean a Dildo

Clean your toy after every use.

Follow the manufacturer’s instructions, as the correct method depends on the material and whether the toy includes electronic parts.

For many non-electronic silicone dildos:

1. Rinse the toy with warm water.
2. Wash it using mild, unscented soap or a suitable toy cleaner.
3. Rinse thoroughly.
4. Allow it to air-dry completely.
5. Store it somewhere clean and dry.

Keep different toys separated during storage if the manufacturer recommends it, as some materials may react when left touching for long periods.

Frequently Asked Questions

Does using a dildo hurt the first time?

It should not be sharply painful.

You may notice pressure or a new sensation, but pain usually means you need to slow down, add more lubricant, try a smaller size or stop.

How far should I insert it?

Only as far as feels comfortable.

There is no required depth, and you do not need to insert the entire toy.

What size dildo is best for beginners?

A smaller or medium-sized dildo with a smooth shape and some flexibility is often easiest for beginners.

The diameter may be more important than the overall length when considering comfort.

Can I use a condom on a dildo?

Yes. A condom can make cleaning easier and may be helpful when sharing a toy.

Use a new condom whenever the toy is shared or moved between different areas of the body.

Can I use household products as lubricant?

It is best to use a lubricant specifically designed for intimate use.

Household oils, lotions and soaps may cause irritation, damage certain toy materials or weaken latex condoms.

How often can I use a dildo?

There is no set limit.

Use it as often as feels comfortable, and allow your body time to recover if you experience temporary sensitivity or soreness.

Final Thoughts

Learning how to use a dildo is less about following strict instructions and more about discovering what feels comfortable for you.

Start with a beginner-friendly size, use plenty of lubricant and take your time. You are in control of the speed, depth and whether you want to use the toy internally at all.

There is no need to rush, perform or compare your experience with anyone else.

At Dusk and Desire, we believe pleasure should feel enjoyable and free from unnecessary awkwardness. Choosing a toy that suits your comfort level can make your first experience feel much more relaxed and empowering.

Ready to meet your new favourite?
Explore Dusk and Desire’s collection of body-safe intimate toys.